Please Stop Telling Your Server You ‘Know the Owner’

When a customer comes into the restaurant and says they know the owner, I always wonder what reaction they’re expecting. Do they think the red carpet should be rolled out for them and the bartenders should press play on Spotify for a fanfare of trumpets to blare from the speakers? Cue the confetti cannon! Drop the balloons, Joe Blow knows the owner! 

Most servers are not impressed that a customer is an acquaintance of the person they work for. And how well do they even know the owner? There are lots of variations of knowing someone. I know the school crossing guard in my neighborhood, whom I say hello to every few days. Her name is Donna. That is literally all I know about her, and you won’t catch me telling someone else in the neighborhood, “Hey, I know the crossing guard!” like that means I’ll get to cross against a red light or something. 

What are you expecting when you say you know the owner?

Most customers who say they know the owner are probably expecting preferential treatment. It would behoove them to remember that their server likely has very limited options when it comes to giving them special treatment. Sure, they can be extra friendly, but free cocktails and discounted food are usually not within their power to provide. If that is what the customer is expecting by announcing their relationship with the owner, they would be better off texting, emailing, or calling the owner themselves to alert them of their presence. That is, if they have their personal contact information. 

So, how well do they know the owner? Do they know them well enough for the owner to also know them, or did the owner breeze past their table six months ago to introduce themself and ask how things were going? Telling a server that you know the owner is not the flex you want it to be.

But I actually do know the owner

I know the owner too. He signs my check every week. I also know that he gets to the restaurant hours before it opens and stays for hours after it closes because an owner’s job is never done. I know he was at the restaurant on the one day of the week that the restaurant is closed because the bathroom needed to be repaired after a customer pulled the toilet paper holder off the wall. I know that he climbs a shaky ladder every week to change the bulbs on the string of lights that hang over the patio, and I also know that he wraps those cords with aluminum foil to keep the squirrels from chewing through them again. 

I know that all of the recipes he uses for the menu are handwritten on stained pieces of paper and kept in a binder on a shelf in the kitchen. I know how much he worries when the restaurant has a slow week and how relieved he is when it’s a busy one. I know how much he hated having to raise the price of the burger when grocery prices kept getting more and more expensive. I know how much the restaurant means to him, and I even know that his son dressed up as George Washington for Halloween one year, even though that is not at all what he wanted to dress up as and his mom made him dress up as a founding father. This is what knowing the owner means.

If you go into the restaurant and tell your server you know the owner, your server will say something like, “Oh, nice.” But in their head, they’re wondering why you told them. It gives off a slightly desperate, needy vibe. If you want the owner to give you something for free, please ask the owner. Don’t assume that telling your server you know them is going to open up the floodgates to unlimited cocktails, appetizers, and desserts. It’s great that you know the owner, but your server knows them too. In fact, they know them very, very well.